The Prisoner

2006-02-22T09:27:00.000Z

Well this education department is very strange. Their idea of teaching is to throw a text book at you and leave you to get on with it. The staff seem more concerned about their own political position in the department and are constantly taking snipes at each other. The IT guy seems totally disinterested in helping prisoners with their work, but he clearly gets a buzz from giving them a hard time if they are late. He also delights in making us wait right up to midday so we are last in the lunch queue.

At least they are letting me get on with it, so one way or another, I should be able to improve my overall skills with all the Microsoft office functions. What would be really good is if I could learn to build a web site. A couple of the other prisoners are very knowledgeable so I can probably get them to help.

We get Friday afternoons off to change our prison clothes and collect our stuff from the prison shop, and with a bit of luck could also get an hour in the swimming pool – could be worse!

Not being with the kids is the hardest part. I didn’t realise how it would feel to lose so much contact. The short phone calls are hard but obviously the visits help. That said at the end of the visit when its time to leave I know the kids are doing their best to hold it together.

I just got to find out about town visits. I get to go out from 9am to 6.30pm twice a month but have to stay within a 25 mile radius of the prison, so no chance of getting home. They kick in after you have served one quarter of the total sentence, so nothing till November – hell that’s bloody ages. What about those pictures of Jeffrey Archer cruising about, that they showed on the TV news? I wonder if he waited a year. I know I will look it up in his book, which is in the library.

2006-02-15T08:46:00.000Z

The last few weeks have been very quiet, the state of alert has now receded. They posted a notice saying the guy had sadly died but no other details.

The farm job has been fine but now I have managed to get to the top of the waiting list in the Education Department. I will be starting IT next Monday and they pay £8.40 a week. I had worked up to £16 on the farm, which was really helping pay for phone calls, although I am not now making so many. It has been impossible to keep anything going on the outside and I just got a bollocking from a senior officer for trying to sell t-shirts on ebay. So much for them not reading your mail!!

Have decided to let the plates stop spinning outside with the business ideas I had, and just keep my head down and get through this whole thing. I finally got a letter from the appeal court yesterday saying that the appeal papers had been received. At least that’s a start. It now goes before a single judge within the next couple of months who decides if the appeal has any merit. Then the appeal itself takes place several months after that. I reckon, all being well, I am looking at an appeal date around May or June. If it doesn’t succeed I’ve still got over a year to go, Oh my God. I hope I am not stuck here that long. Surely I will get some kind of reduction.

Both the solicitor and the barrister felt the sentence was over the top, but I have had no luck whatsoever in terms of what has happened since it came to court. At one point they had convinced me the offence would be considered as simply reckless behaviour within the rules of Company law. Instead I ended up with two charges involving fraud. At least the main one did not succeed, and fraudulent trading definitely sounds better than fraud. However three and a half years was never on the radar.

The wife has taken the view that we should not rely on any reduction, but at least the prospect of one makes it a bit easier to get through the weeks here. The kids seem OK and are just getting on with everything, they never used to see me that much anyway but now I really have started to appreciate what I had. I am convinced we will be a much closer unit in the future. It just seems so far away.

2006-01-25T08:14:00.000Z

Now it’s all gone off here as well. Saturday night one of the guys came back from a town visit pissed and ended up in a fight. He stabbed the other guy with something – apparently there was blood absolutely everywhere. Then it went from bad to worse. The guy who started it was shipped straight across the road to the high security prison and was dead within three hours – hung himself! Christ I thought once I got to an open prison these type of things didn’t happen. B wing was locked down all day Sunday and there were dogs everywhere. Must have been at least 20 of them – they came in six white vans. Prisoners on B wing were told to go and collect their food one by one from the dining room and were then locked down for the rest of the day.

The atmosphere has changed dramatically. There is an air of apprehension and the whole place is really hushed. No doubt more information will filter through in the next few days. I wouldn’t be surprised if it hits the newspapers, but then this kind of stuff goes on all the time in the high security prisons and nobody gets to hear about it. I think the national average is way over one suicide per week. So maybe this will remain quiet. Either way I had better let the wife know – if she reads about it in the papers she will panic. So much for her thinking this is a holiday camp.

2006-01-17T08:40:00.000Z

Disaster, the wife has crashed the car. Pulled across in front of an oncoming vehicle on the way to school. Says she has been so stressed she doesn’t know if she is coming or going half the time. The other car hit right where the kids were sitting. Looks like just a couple of bruises, but seems the car is a write off. We have only got third party insurance, as it was the only way I could get my eighteen year old daughter on the policy! What a bloody nightmare.

She has now managed to get an old banger for £150, but how long that will keep going in this weather is anybody’s guess. I’ve told her to cut down the visits immediately – better they are safe.

I was just beginning to get on with it all. It’s dreadful not being able to help, and of course it’s all my fault. Can’t say too much.

Still no definite word on the appeal. I will phone him myself and try not to lose it. The 28 days to file it are just about up, so I need to make sure its all done. If the solicitor wasn’t so unreliable I wouldn’t worry. I am sure there is no way he would screw something up this important, although before the hearing I seemed to have to remind him about everything. He is by far the most expensive incompetent I have ever employed, and it’s far too late to try and change, that could make it worse. At least the barrister is good and I know I’ve got his number in my mobile phone. That’s a relief, I will get the wife to look at the number in the memory and call him, I’m sure he won’t mind.

I need to try and calm down. This is just appalling.

2006-01-09T11:50:00.000Z

Turns out over 80 percent of people do not attend their appeals. Normally the person appealing is not spoken to at any point in the proceedings. If the appeal happens within the next few months I will still end up with time to serve whatever happens. It would be totally over optimistic to think I would get so much knocked off I would not be coming back here for a bit longer. So attending and ending up in Pentonville needs to be avoided. Apparently you can sign a form to waive your rights to attend. I need to see one of those as soon as possible.

The farm has moved me on to vacuum packing the potatoes. This means that within a few weeks my pay will go up to £16 per week. That will really help and will mean I won’t need the wife to send in money for phone calls. I will also feel less guilty about buying a few extras. I am getting through ten stamps a week at the moment and the phone is around £10.

Desperately trying to keep a few projects going on the outside, but people are just not responding quickly enough. I was hoping to keep some money coming in to the family, but to be honest I am not sure if it is going to work. This is very stressful but I must at least try. I’ll keep at it for now.

2006-01-05T08:48:00.000Z

The kids were just great again. I still can’t tell if they are struggling with it all at home and at school, but they are so positive when they visit. The wife seems to be struggling with everything, but then she never was very good with domestic stuff. I am sure she used to think the crockery got from the sink to the dishwasher by itself because someone told her it was an automatic! That said it can’t be easy, and some of her so called friends have been less than friendly since it all hit the local paper – so much for keeping it quiet.

She tried to phone the solicitor who has not returned any of her calls. We paid him £40,000 and he treats us with total disrespect. Apparently this is not unusual and if I try and call I will end up using all my phone credit and then get even more annoyed. All we want is confirmation the appeal papers have been lodged, as it must be done within 28 days of being sentenced. I will write to him instead, that way I won’t lose it so badly.

A couple of the guys here have got appeals coming up during the next few months, so it will be helpful to see how they get on, particularly as some are in for similar ‘clerical’ offences. If you attend the appeal you end up being taken to Pentonville afterwards and can get stuck there for weeks. However, there are apparently ways round it, so must try and find out how.

2006-01-02T15:13:00.000Z

Despite having only served a few weeks, the fact it’s a New Year already feels more positive. 2005 was really bad, completely overshadowed by all the worry before the trial. Even in the times I was thinking it wouldn’t come to this, there was always that nagging doubt.

I tried to find out what might happen if it did come to this by trawling the Internet when the wife and kids were not about, but found very little apart from the difference in the types of prison. I hope that Sean’s blue book makes it to the search engines.

Went to bed early on New Years Eve to get it out the way, but it had to happen – someone set the fire alarm off at midnight. Everybody out and over to the dining hall in the freezing cold. Then all the central heating and hot water went off till midday the next day. No doubt if we find out who it was words will be had.

New Years day was really no different to an ordinary Sunday. The library was open as it is run exclusively run by inmates most of the time.

Today, more of the same then back to work tomorrow morning at 8:30am. The family are coming in the afternoon just before the kids go back to school. It will be great to see them again, I do hope the kids are as positive as last time - great inspiration.

2005-12-31T11:55:00.000Z

Got very stressed on Wednesday before the visit. The family were late, which means you have to stand around outside the wing office waiting to be called. You cannot go over to the visiting hall until your visitor arrives. Started to worry why they might be late and didn’t want to run back upstairs to get her mobile number in case I was called. They arrived 15 minutes into the visit, so then lost another 5 minutes as its right over the other side of the prison. At least the queue of inmates going in had disappeared, so it was just the rub down search and yellow arm band to get on before going in. Why on earth they search us going in is a mystery, perhaps they think we might have a plastic kitchen knife to stab the wife!

The kids were just fantastic. Totally excited and seemingly unfazed by the surroundings, they had even got me a burger and a diet coke. The food must be from a different supplier to the usual stuff we get – maybe it’s to give the impression we are well fed. There is no doubt from a couple of sly comments from the wife she thinks everything in here is a bed of roses. The visiting hall environment is cleverly slanted to give a good impression. My wife just let the kids have the time, so didn’t get into any of the difficult stuff from last time which was a great relief. No doubt that will come up again soon.

Despite the visit being nearly two hours, it was gone in a flash. They are all coming again next week but will then have to look at future dates as I don’t get enough visiting orders for one every weekend. Apparently there are all sorts of rules about using your visiting entitlement during the week or at the weekends, and there are also other ways of getting more visits. No doubt this is all in Sean’s blue book, I must ask Shrek how he is getting on with finding a copy.

The other great thing about a visit is it gives you half a day off work. Have been back on the farm since Wednesday morning, but we are off next Monday for the New Year. This is because the unit is run by civilian workers who seem to get some of the same holidays as everybody else on the outside, particularly if its not crucial to the main function of the prison such as catering, otherwise I am sure they would have us working down there at every possible opportunity.

Apparently I get an extra 60p for working Saturday morning, must check if thats correct.

2005-12-27T09:55:00.000Z

Christmas day was nothing like as bad as I had imagined. Phoned the family at around 11am and the kids were totally preoccupied with their presents. My wife is still very distant and matter of fact. Will have to take this very slowly. Despite giving up drinking 10 months ago she has not in my view, recognised my overall efforts to change and improve. Its unfortunate that my offence was committed way before I started sorting myself out after 30 years of heavy drinking.

The rest of the day went reasonably easily. Christmas lunch was obviously the event of the day. Sliced turkey, roast potatoes plus a mixed up serving of sprouts, turnips and stuffing. Probably not dissimilar to what you would get in a transport café. Then of course the ‘pack up box’. This caused chaos. Everyone checking that theirs had everything in it. Scotch egg, mince pie, piece of cake etc., and the ‘piece de resistance’ a packet of instant tomato soup! Yuk.

It must be much worse in a ‘bang up’ prison, although some of the guys here still maintain they prefer that environment as it makes the time pass more quickly. I must say I find being able to walk around outside during the day a real help, particularly with thinking time. If my appeal against sentence fails I will still be here next Christmas.

Got the visit tomorrow to look forward to. Must try and stay positive.

2005-12-24T10:40:00.000Z

Two days on the farm kept me occupied, finding my way around and getting to know everybody. Now we are off till next Wednesday, Oh my god it’s Christmas. One of my worst fears – Christmas in prison. I managed to put one Cristmas card on my canteen sheet last Sunday, which I sent to the family on Thursday, so I hope I made it in time. The signs said we had to post it by Wednesday morning, but I didn’t get it till Wednesday night!

There is no evening meal on Sunday, apparently we get a ‘pack up box’ with the midday meal whatever a ‘pack up box’ is. There are two types, vegetarian and non- vegetarian. There is a Christmas tree on the other wing but someone set fire to the one here last year, so that was the end of that. Not sure we really need constantly reminding its Christmas anyway – nobody seems that bothered so far. I have received a couple of cards, but people are still finding out where I am, and my solicitor is still writing to the other prison despite my wife telling him I have moved. What is it with solicitors?

The gym and library are open through most of the next few days so that will help, and I have managed to catch up on some sleep at least. That two-inch mattress is starting to feel comfortable – Sean was right. Visiting centre is closed on Christmas day and the days it is open have been booked solid for over a week. The family have managed to book for next Wednesday, having got Christmas out of the way will probably make it a lot easier.

2005-12-22T09:14:00.000Z

Started work yesterday morning at 8:30am. None of the choices I put down on the form were available, so it was down the farm in Veg Prep shoving potatoes off a conveyer belt that need to go back through the peeler again. Sounds boring, but its actually OK. Cup of tea first, then onto the belt at 9am. Flat out for an hour, then another tea break for half an hour. Second shift - 45 minutes, then that’s it for the morning. Clean up and off to lunch for midday. The afternoon shifts were even shorter and we were all done by 3:15pm. The day just shot by. Dinner at 5pm, then library and some TV. Before I knew it the day was over.

Once they have checked out my ‘suitability’ for the job, I should get promoted to vacuum packing, which pays more. Currently I am going to get £8 per week. Still at least that will get me some phone credit and some diet coke.

2005-12-20T12:24:00.000Z

Shrek, the Nigerian guy I met on the sweatbox here, came and found me again yesterday. He was very concerned that when I arrived I didn’t have any property beyond the clothes I was wearing and my radio. I suppose it did look strange given everybody else had large plastic bags with loads of stuff. I told him the story about how my solicitor had said I should only bring £20, the radio and the tobacco, and how I’d given the tobacco to Sean. He started talking about a list of stuff you are allowed to bring in and asked how come I hadn’t been able to find out about it. I told him that nobody I had asked before I got to court had any idea, but since then Sean had mentioned a book you can get with all this kind of information in it. Shrek knew about the book and said it was really good. He knew someone who had a copy and said he would try and get it sent in so I could see it. He then insisted that he would make me some mackerel and noodles later that evening.

The rest of the day was taken up with induction. We were told what jobs were available and shown round the various departments, including education, where I was made to sit a numeracy and literacy test. Decided not to mention that I felt my ‘O’ levels and ‘A’ levels surely meant I didn’t need to do it. Frankly it ended up being a bit of fun in the end, I just hope I got all the questions right.

Shrek did the noodles, which actually tasted really good, I think the hot pepper sauce had something to do with it. I must say so far I have been lucky to meet some really decent people, but it is clear you need to keep your wits about you and Sean had spent hours talking me through it to make sure I stayed out of any trouble.

2005-12-19T09:46:00.000Z

The visit was much more stressful than I had anticipated. She wasn’t hostile but she was visibly shaken by events of the last week. Some people who she thought were her friends had started giving her a wide berth, whilst others had been unexpectedly supportive. A friendship audit, whilst often painful, can be a very good thing. I have already been through it once before a couple of years ago when I went bankrupt for the first time. No point in having people around you who actually really don’t care, much better to know those who remain, are with you because they are prepared to support you emotionally when you need it most. It’s a hard thing she has had to confront in that respect, but I think she realises that it will be a positive in the end.

We mostly talked about domestic stuff like bills and car insurance, council tax and rent, so it was very matter of fact through most of the visit. That said it helped us get through it – I am sure it will get easier. She was comfortable enough with the surroundings to agree to bring the three kids next time, and is planning on coming again next weekend. I can see that the cakes and chocolate that she was allowed to buy are going to become a major highlight; it certainly broke the ice early on.

On a lighter note I got to use the swimming pool as planned and it is heated. This is going to make the coming months far more bearable and with a bit of luck I can get fitter and lose some more weight. Managed to lose about a stone in the last 10 months after the Tony Robbins course in July of last year, but more about that later.

2005-12-17T11:17:00.000Z

Friday went reasonably well. Proper induction starts on Monday and then we start work on Wednesday. Most of yesterday was a day off, as much as a day in prison can be.

Got to the library, which I must say is reasonably good. The average age of the prisoners running it seems to be about 80. One of them is deaf and the other has a bit of an attitude problem, but then if someone had banged me up when I was 80, I would probably be a bit grumpy. It was open till 7:30pm, almost civilised.

The food seemed OK, not a lot of difference between school food, hospital food and prison food, the same percentage of people still seem to complain, although the ones that bitched the most still went round for seconds at lunch time!

This place seems fairly relaxed but obviously run to a strict regime and timetable. The officers seem reasonably approachable although some of them still look pretty mean. It looks like prisoners do most of the day to day stuff, serving food, cleaning and gardening – there are tractors everywhere and a field full of cows. I bet there are no prizes for guessing who has to milk them!

They have told me I can use the swimming pool this morning and again tomorrow, but there is a strict rota during the week. Can’t wait, hope its not freezing cold, that would be entirely possible given where we are. The wife is coming to visit tomorrow but has refused to bring the children, she wants to take a look for herself and make sure it won’t frighten them. Good job she didn’t see the other place, that would have frightened anybody. Not quite sure where the visiting hall is yet but apparently it is reasonably visitor friendly and we get a full two hours for the visit from 1:45 till 3:45pm.

2005-12-15T19:37:00.000Z

What a difference a day makes! Own room, own bed, own key and no noise to speak of. They had us back in the classroom at 8:30am this morning to start induction. There were detailed explanations of all kinds of stuff, but can’t remember too much of it – still getting over the relief of getting transferred. The grounds are enormous and it seems everyone is able to move around freely during the day. That said they are very strict about where you should be at any given time, but it is up to you to be there. I need a watch.

The consequences of being late are serious, if you can’t handle it, they ship you straight over the road to high security again – no thanks.

The money on my canteen sheet will apparently arrive today, then I need to order stuff all over again. However there is no need to get the phone numbers approved, you just put the numbers on a new sheet and they work within 24 hours. I got another £2 phone credit on arrival and another bloody bag of biscuits, so that’s another £4 gone. I wish I had brought more money with me to court, I’m down to £8. The canteen form here goes in on Sunday, then the phone credit goes live on Tuesday, so the £2 will have to be it for a week. Managed to get another free letter, so at least I can write home and explain in more detail what’s happening. This place is so much better, the relief is unbelievable, that was the worst 5 days ever.

2005-12-14T17:14:00.000Z

Unlocked at 9am, and by 9:30am they were looking for me – internal mail. It’s confirmation of the ‘D’ classification. It says I will get another letter with the transfer date in a few days. Then at 10:30am an officer throws the cell door open and says “You’ve got 5 minutes to pack your stuff, you’re out of here!” How long does it take to pick up my radio, say goodbye to Sean and leg it down to the main desk? This is brilliant. Looks like I’m on my way after just 5 days. Sean was great, he was really pleased for me, and he is due home any day now anyway. He still couldn't remember the name of that book and I didn’t get my canteen. Too late now, let’s get out of here.

They took me back through all the corridors I came in through on Friday night, back to the reception area. They showed me the clothes I had been made to leave there and had me sign for them before they were put into a sealed polythene bag. Then into a holding cell with about 6 other guys – we were all going to an open prison somewhere in Kent or Essex, but no one seemed completely sure. All we cared about was getting out. There was a big Nigerian guy who obviously realised I was completely new to prison. He offered some words of advice and seemed very genuine. He also bore a startling resemblance to Shrek.

After about half an hour we were escorted to the van. Everyone calls them sweatboxes, but in this weather it probably doesn’t make any difference. At least no handcuffs this time, but still locked into separate cubicles. We drive off and after about half an hour we get the sandwich and drink under the door again.

We are on the road for about two hours and end up in the middle of nowhere. There are clearly several prisons on the site. We pull up to a simple barrier – no 30 foot walls, no big gates and no razor wire! The barrier lifts and we pull up to the first building. Everybody out – no handcuffs, just wandering across the car park on our own, this is amazing. Into the building and they give us a cup of tea. No signs saying only one teabag, this is much better. After about an hour they give us our stuff off the van and tell us to make our way to A wing. Its about 300 yards away and we are allowed to go on our own. On the way I see a sign marked gym and swimming pool, this is getting better all the time, and then its into a classroom run by inmates and we are given a key for our room. I wander along a corridor, still with a few familiar steel bars but no safety nets and unbelievably no noise. Into the room, single bed, tv and a big window over open fields. This will do nicely.

2005-12-13T16:09:00.000Z

Bingo! The landing office looked on the computer and I came up as a ‘D’ classification. That means I am eligible to be transferred to an open prison straight away. The officers said it was best to wait a few days and see what happens – making a written enquiry at this stage would be more likely to slow things down, as they already seemed to be moving quite quickly.

We are being unlocked for around two hours per day now, once mid morning and again mid afternoon. Having said that there really is nowhere to go, but it still feels better with the door open, plus if Sean goes for a walk it gives me time to have a dump with some privacy – the toilet is in the middle of the cell, together with a bunk bed, a table and only one chair. Maybe I can ask them for another chair this afternoon, as everything has been calm on the landing for a while. Apparently it all ‘goes off’ quite regularly, then everything immediately gets locked down for the rest of the day, although it hasn’t happened since I arrived on Friday.

Got the canteen form. A few diet cokes, some phone credit, stamps and some envelopes and that’s the money gone, apparently I could have brought much more in with me – duff advice from the solicitor! Should get the stuff tomorrow but still no idea when I will be able to access my phone numbers, some say it can take 28 days!

Tried to get to the library but everyone says they are too busy and I should try again on Thursday. Found some old newspapers so that will have to do for now.

2005-12-12T13:58:00.000Z

Made it through the weekend and got to the exercise yard for half an hour yesterday afternoon. Walking round a piece of tarmac the size of a school playground surrounded by a 30 foot wire fence topped with razor wire, still beats being stuck in a cell for 23 hours. There were about 30 guys altogether, some seeing how many press ups they could do, the rest either walking round or sitting on the floor chatting. Freezing cold, but determined to stay outside until we were called in. Sean says it will be better to start pestering them tomorrow about my categorisation, that way they will have had a least one full weekday to do the paperwork. He also mentioned a small blue book you can get on the internet that has all kinds of stuff in it about making sure you get categorised quickly and loads of other really useful information. He couldn't remember what it was called - I must ask the wife to have a look for it.

Managed to phone home yesterday and held it together. The kids were great, but I need to see if I am being moved from here before I even think about letting them visit. This is the last place I want them to see me if I can avoid it.

The noise here during the night is unbelievable. It seems the officers ignore most of the cell call bells so people just bang, shout and yell. They also seem to be able to have ongoing conversations with their mates on other wings by shouting through the windows right through the night. Luckily I have never been one to have trouble sleeping so despite the steel bed and the noise, still get off quite easily – Sean seems amazed. I’ve told him to stay in charge of the TV. I am getting by better with the radio and my notebook, I never did follow TV anyway.

When you are locked up for such long periods four tea bags don’t go very far, so I am now leaving them in for shorter periods and reusing them. It turns out I will be given a ‘canteen’ sheet tomorrow and this will show a credit for the money I brought with me, less the £4 for the biscuits I was given on arrival and the £2 phone credit which has now run out. Canteen is what they call the prison shop, so I have to put on the form what I want from their list and it gets delivered to the cell later in the week. The main thing I need is phone credit but it may take more than a week for them to approve the phone numbers I submitted on the phone sheet. They have given me one free letter which they will put through their post system, so I’ll use that to write home. Better get some stamps as well as phone credit, never thought to bring any with me.

This place feels very dangerous. I did use the shower this morning and that seemed OK. I am sure, or certainly hope, some of my fear is unfounded. Nevertheless this place is the pits. Lets hope for some good news tomorrow.

2005-12-11T09:17:00.000Z

Sunday morning and I’ve done two nights in this bed. The mattress is barely two inches thick and the rest of it is made out of steel. Sean was right, it is going to take some time to get used to. My cell mate let his name slip in conversation yesterday so I was able to find out what it was without admitting I wasn’t listening properly on Friday night. He has been to prison loads of times for drug offences including stints in Holland and South Africa, and obviously knows this place inside out. He seems like a good bloke and has certainly made the effort to help me calm down and settle in. His first words yesterday morning were “welcome to your first day in paradise”, which was almost funny.

We were unlocked for an hour yesterday, it is called ‘association’, and I wandered up and down the landings getting an idea of the layout. There is steel netting spread across the balconies to stop people jumping more than one floor, and everything else is just steel railings and cell doors. Gave the showers a miss until I get some more guidance. There are a couple of pool tables and a table football machine on the landing, but needless to say demand was exceeding supply, and as the average participant seemed to be in excess of seven foot tall I think I will give them a miss for the time being. Next thing I knew I was locked back up again. Wasn’t able to phone home as the family are not in on Saturday afternoon, but will give it a try today depending on what time we get let out.

The calls are 14p a minute so the £2 phone card is not going to last long. They have given me a form to fill in, on which I have to write all the names, phone numbers and addresses of people I intend to phone. I am allowed 15 private numbers and five for legal, but no indication of how I get phone credit. I did bring £20 in with me so hopefully I can use that. Just found the book of instructions they gave me Friday night so hopefully that will tell me more. Lunch is at midday so at least I will get out of the cell again for ten minutes. The meals are at 12 and 5pm, everything comes with four slices of bread and we get four tea bags to last 24 hours – reminds me of those signs in reception – Only one tea bag!! The food itself doesn’t seem too bad but then my expectations were obviously low.

Must try and find out how quickly I might be transferred to an open prison. Doubt if they can do much at the weekend and don’t want to annoy them unduly, so will probably wait till tomorrow morning to ask.

2005-12-09T21:39:00.000Z

Today has been the worst day of my life. My solicitor had given me some hope that I may not get a prison sentence and if I did I would be looking at 12 to 18 months. The probation officer had said something similar. No one had said it could be much longer, except the judge – three and a half years – my mind went numb! Hopeless, helpless what on earth will happen now.

My wife and my two mates couldn’t even look up. Everyone seemed stunned. Next thing I know I am downstairs somewhere, emptying my pockets - £20, packet of tobacco and my little Roberts radio that belonged to my father in law who had died last year. My life ground to a halt and I was in a tiny court cell with absolutely nothing but the clothes on my back.

After about half an hour I was taken to another room to meet the barrister. He seemed shocked and we talked about appealing and sending love to the family, but it was all a bit blurred. Then after he had gone a lady talked to me to see if I was OK. What on earth is OK now. Then back in the little cell. They gave me a cup of tea with sugar even though I asked for it without, and then a microwave curry and a slice of bread.

Hours passed, then suddenly the door opened and I was handcuffed to an enormous guy who led me out to the prison van. It was lined with individual cubicles. I was put into one, the handcuffs removed and then the door locked. I think there was about a dozen of us. We drove off and they passed a sandwich and a drink under the door. Guys were trying to shout to each other from the cubicles, the van radio was crackling, what a racket. Then after about an hour later we arrived. There it was through the blacked out window – the enormous brick walls and those huge gates.

The gates opened, the van drove in and there were more gates. The first set closed behind us and then eventually the front set opened and we drove forward. All I could see was razor wire, high fences and walls, exactly how I imagined the worst of prisons, only this was real. We were kept on the bus for ages. The guys were banging and shouting, what a dreadful place. Then it was off the van and into a corridor inside the nearest building. Steel bars everywhere, but no handcuffs. We waited around for hours, they gave us some food and a tea bag, eventually I found the hot water and a plastic knife and fork. Signs everywhere saying you can only have one teabag!

Finally I was led into a large room full of old tables. Computers were buried under paperwork and junk, and staff were spread all around the place. They called me by my surname, asked questions, took photographs, but were reasonably civil. Then I had to give them my clothes and shoes and was given a t-shirt and track suit trousers to wear. They then gave me my shoes back, together with my radio and the tobacco.

I was then given a sheet, a blanket and a pillow, which was more like a thick piece of cardboard, and was led off down another corridor. Doors were unlocked and locked one after the other as we went through different parts of the prison, until we arrived at the wing. They took me to the top floor, opened a cell door, told me to go in, and then immediately locked the door. The prisoner already in there looked up and said hello but I missed his name. I told him mine, shook his hand and was relieved he seemed like a nice guy. A bit of small talk, put my stuff on the bottom bunk, and then my cell mate managed to attract some attention and got them to let me out to use the phone with my £2 credit. I got through to home but couldn’t stop crying. Managed to tell them where I was, but it was awful. Said I would call back as soon as I could. Wiped myself dry, took a deep breath and went back to the cell. My cell mate said I would find the bed really uncomfortable for a few days at least. Decided nevertheless to try and get my head down early and so it’s off to bed, let’s hope I sleep – at least I feel wiped out, in every sense of the word.

2005-12-08T10:26:00.000Z

Last day before going to court for sentencing. Kids are at school and the wife is at work - complete silence. The phone stopped ringing weeks ago, everyone knows this could be curtains.

Got all my references to give to the judge just like they told me, lets hope they have some impact, it took forever to get them done by the right people. Five weeks now since I was found guilty and thank goodness I have had this time to get as much as possible in order. I think I will keep the mobile phone direct debit going - must try and think positive. Looking forward to a good curry later, could be a bit tense though - what on earth will we talk about, certainly not about tomorrow.

Must try and keep calm otherwise the kids will panic.